When I was a child, we would always make the annual pilgrimage to what I shall rather lavishly call 'The Westcountry's Riviera' i.e. Weston-Super-Mare (one year we wandered off-course to nearby Barry Island, somewhat of a poor man's Weston, which my Granddad told me was full of 'sewage', and learning that meant 'poo' meant the day wasn't entirely wasted). Nestled in this fishy-seaside-stinking town was what can only be termed the Poor Man's Seagaia - The Tropicana (or Trocadero to my Gran)  - a seemingly wonderous place of super-fun indoor, open-air, pool-based excitement, with a large pineapple slide as the focal point.

Well, needless to say, this humble and now defunct centre of money-conscious entertainment (we kids were happy enough until geographical awareness heightened discontent and brought with it realisations of poverty) pales in comparison to the Phoenix Seagaia Resort in Miyazaki, Japan. Though I would never swap my memories of multi-coloured beach-based donkey poo and painful dune exploration, I see there is a certain mature grandness to the Seagaia which I would definitely appreciate now I'm all grown up.

This recently renovated resort is home to a 300 x 100 x 38 metre indoor water park with retractable roof, which is certainly the focal point of the resort (yes, better than a giant pineapple which would prob seem pretty small now I'm bigger anyway.) There is a beautiful white sandy beach, palm trees, water slides and a wave machine capable of surf-levels. Predictably, the complex is kitted out with various hotels (including the Ocean Grande,) restaurants, shops, golf, and many other activities. The air temperature is kept to about 30 degrees c. and the water to about 28 degrees c., so it's like the Copacabana (or Cococabana as my bro. calls it) all year round. Pah, who wants all that when you could have good ol' British grey skies, grey beach and grey seas surrounding a piss-swamped pool around a big pineapple at the Trocadero, eh?! Hmm. Memories I wouldn't swap, but there's certainly something to be said about exchanging weird-coloured poo for glorious skies of pretend blue...

Visit the Phoenix Seagaia Resort here